Writer - Bull Garlington

The British Isles & Beans

In 2011 I took my wife, my kids, and my mom on a bus trip with nearly dead elderly tourists all across England, Scotland, and Ireland. We ate beans every morning, Do the math.

Massive Camel Hatred

Stories of our major trips from 2017 through 2022, spanning three continents (North America, Europe, Africa), seven countries (France, Spain, Germany, The Bahamas, Mexico, Egypt, and Alabama), and various injuries therein.

The Platinum-Level Transluminal Vacation Package of Your Dreams

Time Hopping Crazy Town

A frenetic and hilarious ensemble piece featuring a Buddhist priest, a sexy trans math whiz, an easily angered Columbian Jlo analog, a ridiculous himbo, a bored trickster god, and the world’s greatest salesman of transluminal real estate.

Author. Freelancer. Gumbo tech.

Bull Garlington is an award-winning author and humorist. His writing has appeared in magazines, newspapers, and online since before there were cell phones. His 2017 memoir, The Full English, was the IndieFab Humor Book of the Year. His collection of award-winning essays, Death By Children, was the IndieFab 2013 Humor Book of the Year. His current book, Fat in Paris, is currently a Foreword Reviews Indies humor book of the year finalist for 2023. He is co-founder of All American Whiskey, an award-winning whiskey culture site.

Garlington lives in Chicago with [his attorney], a dog named Whiskey, and a cat named Jones. He is an avid gardener, smokes Haunted Bookshop pipe tobacco, collects California reds, and spends a lot of time at the local library. When he’s not writing novels or freelancing for business mags, Garlington works on his passion project, Eating Vincent Price, an exegesis of the infamous cookbook from the legendary horror actor.

More about Bull.

appearances & gigs

Loud. Inspiring. Hilarious.

Bull’s appearances are not performances. He is authentic and warm, suffused with Dutch uncle energy,
ready to tell a wild story or teach writing with generosity, inclusiveness, and kindness.

Unretouched photo.

Mentorship

Generous guidance from an award-winning writer.

Garlington’s Writer in Residence program is a structured program wherein emerging writers may trade work for mentorship. Qualifying writers receive guidance and challenging assignments. Their work is published at All American Whiskey, and they may be introduced to a network of editors and publishers. Limited to a very few, chosen at whim, based on criteria determined by astrology and aliens.

FAT IN PARIS–THE MUSICAL

Is a one-man shit show reverse book tour f-bomb extravaganza!

Wherein the author tells harrowing tales of hyper-luxurious, bougie-assed trips abroad. It’s a pop-up Shakespearian-epithet-level laden party with the author in a relaxed, swanky, secret speakeasy library. Tickets include books, wine, yelling, stories, snacks, wine, chill music, wine, and free parking.

buy these books, you maniac

They will enrich your life and impress your college professors.

I swear on my favorite fountain pen, each book has been proofred and eidted to within an inch of its life. They’re no mitsakes anywhere, on any page, hand to Jeebis.